


DHMIS Randomness

by LordOfThePuffs



Category: Don't Hug Me I'm Scared (Webseries)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, F/F, Fluffybird - Freeform, Human AU, I hate myself, I mean not really but idk how else to put it???, Implied Sexual Content, Karaoke, M/M, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, The most NSFW this is going to be is the Tony x Pizzer chapter, food kink??????
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:42:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28135629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LordOfThePuffs/pseuds/LordOfThePuffs
Summary: Literally just random DHMIS writing. Some of it may or may not have a plot v('-')v
Relationships: Colin the Computer/Tony the Talking Clock, Duck/Red Guy (Don't Hug Me I'm Scared), Fridge/Steak (Don't Hug Me I'm Scared), Shrignold/Trauma, Sketchbook/Laptop
Kudos: 9





	1. Tony x Pizzer Part 2: Electric Boogaloo

**Author's Note:**

> This was a tumblr request, dont @ me. Part one is on my Wattpad, PlantsRLyfe
> 
> I also don't use the usual fan names for a few characters!
> 
> Yellow Guy: Danny (Doi/Manny lol)  
> Duck Guy: Greene, Ducky is a nickname  
> Red Guy is just Red
> 
> Sketchbook: Sketch  
> Laptop: Lillian  
> Steak Guy: Chuck  
> Fridge: Bosch

Today was a tense day in the Guy household. 

A new teacher was coming.

None of the teachers knew when they would arrive, or even what their object would be. It was just like when Reese, a box of cereal Danny had brought home, first came to life.

The only thing they were sure about was that it would be a new member of the Kitchen Crew, which included Chuck, Bosch, Spinach, Bread Boy, the can twins Lidd and Bob, and Reese.

The trio (Red, Greene and Danny) were in the living room waiting for their dinner to finish. It was quiet, and calm for the most part, until the sound of the oven opening was heard.  
  
  


"Spin, dear," Greene called, "what did we say about the oven?"  
  
"Tha'snot me Mr. Greene!" the small can yelled back.

The duck frowned. "Then what's going on in there?"

There was a beat of silence, then music started.

"DAD THE TEACHER'S HERE!" Spinach yelled.

All of the teachers flocked to the kitchen, eager to meet the newest edition to their horribly dysfunctional family.

The one who was the most interested was Tony, who could recognize the smell of pizzer. Specifically, a ready-to-bake cheese pizzer from Papa Johns.

He barely payed attention to whatever the others were doing. All he was interested in was the newcomer.

They hadn't even been alive for 5 minutes but Tony thought they were the most stunning thing he could ever lay his eyes on....

He could maybe even lay his mouth on them.....

If they were interested of course! Tony was a gentleman above all else, and he wasn't going to let some god-sent, cheese-covered angel be his undoing.

After introductions were done, Chuck asked if Perry (the name of the newbie) would like to see the rest of the house.

She said yes, and Tony graciously volunteered to show her around. 

They had finished the upstairs, and Perry asked if there was an attic.

Tony froze. 

_This was his chance._

"Why yes!" he responded, clasping his hands together. "I actually spend quite a bit of time up there myself, the others seem to forget that level exists."

Perry asked the exact question he hoped she would..." _Could I see it?_ "

"Of course my dear, I'd be happy to show you."  
  


He pulled down the ladder, and help her small gloved hand as he guided her up. 

Once the were completely up, and tony had brought the ladder back up, he turned the lights on and watched how Perry marveled at the room.

"You know, it's silly but....I feel like i've been here before..."

"Really?"

"Yes.." the newbie laughed "I suppose it does sound silly now that I'm saying it out loud-"

Tony took her hands in his and pulled her close, he looked down at her with a small smile. "Does this feel familiar at all?"

Blush began to appear on Perry's face, her words barely coming out as a whisper. 

"I-I suppose it does.."

The clock gently put his mouth on hers, the closest thing to a kiss he could give, taking in the intoxicating scent of cheese and grease. He began to pull back when Perry's hands moved to his frame, yanking him forward as she pressed herself against him. 

Tony's well, clockwork, was _racing._ He pulled back just the smallest bit for air, then deepened the kiss, biting at where Perry's lip would be if they were human.

-

There was a reason that the others _seemed_ to forget about the attic.

They heard noises up sometimes.

Today, they were different.

_Nobody wanted to know what was going on up there._


	2. Self-Indulgent DT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Human!AU DigitalTime

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hc Tony as British-Italian, so uh, google translate the Italian parts I guess
> 
> Also, if you have a problem with how I write Colin's stutter (yes I hc that as well), I really don't care. Me and a family member both have one irl so v('-')v

“Tonyyyyy, i’m bored!”  
Colin stretched himself across the length of the couch, his head resting on his boyfriend’s lap. The other didn’t even look up from the book he was reading.

“Tony.”

No answer.

“Toooooony.”

Nothing.

“I o…o-rganized the closet, called Chuck, stopped by my place to grab my Ga-Game Boy, did dishes, almost had a heart attack when a bird flew into the window, and, um, FYI you’re o…o-ut of Fri-fritos.”

… 

“Anthony!” he groaned.

“Yes?”

“You weren’t paying attentintion to me and now i’m dying.”

Tony hid a smile behind his book. “ _Oh_ , _piccolo mio~_ Whatever shall I do?”

“Pfft- i’m serious!”

“Hi serious, i’m Anthony.”

“Oh my god, no!” Colin said with a laugh. After a few moments of silence, the only noise being the usual buzzing of the electricity and the city bustle outside, he sat up and scooted closer to Tony on the couch; carefully snatched the book with one hand, and setting it to the side as he cupped his partner’s cheek, distracting him with a kiss.

It was a tender thing, and didn’t last longer than a few seconds. Though that didn’t stop Colin from gently running a hand through Tony’s hair, taking in the sandalwood scent of his shampoo before breaking away, their foreheads touching.

“May I ask what prompted that?” Tony asked softly, moving so his back was against the arm of the couch.

Colin shifted as well, laying across the couch again, but his head laying on the other's chest, cuddling against him. 

“We have a whole w...w-eekend off, and all you want to do is read!” he answered in an equally soft tone, not wanting to disturb the peaceful mood. “You’ve barely talked to me at all.” he said, trying to glare up at his boyfriend, but looking more sad than anything.

Tony’s expression softened, and he gave Colin a peck on the nose. “I’m sorry. How about this, that show you like on Netflix has a new season,”

“Kipo?” 

Colin couldn’t help but smile. He had been talking a lot about that show recently, but he didn’t think Tony had actually been listening.

“Yep! How about I make supper and we can start it?”

Colin’s eyebrows furrowed, it was Saturday, and Chicken Alfredo sounded amazing, but Tony wasn’t one to start a show right in the middle. “Have you seen the first- the first t-two seasons?” 

A light blush dusted the history teacher's cheeks as he looked off to the side. “You were really excited about it so…I pulled an all-nighter and got caught up..”

The computer geek felt his whole face heat up and his heart melted. Tony messed up his sleep schedule for a cartoon Colin liked? He figured it wouldn’t be so bad to look up some clock trivia.

He flipped onto his stomach, pushing himself up enough to comfortably wrap his arms around the other’s waist, legs folded to the side “Anny, _cuore mio_ …” he began, pressing a kiss to his forehead, letting it linger for a second before meeting Tony’s pale blue eyes with his hazel ones. “How-how the hell did I end up dating s-somebody like you?”

“I think the real question,” Tony answered, giving Colin a chaste kiss to the lips “is whether or not you’re going to let me off the couch so I can make The Good Alfredo.”

“Wait, the, uh, f..f-rom-scratch one?” 

The older smiled and nodded. Colin immediately rolled off the couch, and ran to the kitchen as fast as he could (considering the fact he was wearing old socks, it was more like sliding). There was a clattering of dishes and the sound of the fridge being opened. 

“You bought chicken right?” 

Tony couldn’t help but laugh. “You can’t make Chicken Alfredo without chicken, dearest!”

“I know! Get in here before the toaster turns to-to-to liquid or something!”


	3. Karaoke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Red doesn't usually join karaoke night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The teachers are human~  
> Also Red is traumatized by karaoke lmao (looks at dhmis 6)
> 
> The Song is "In Case You Don't Live Forever" by Ben Platt
> 
> Credit to a discord friend/ @awkwarddreamer31st on wattpad for helping w the concept!

Red _really_ didn't want to be here.

The teachers, along with Greene (also known as "Duck"), were having their weekly karaoke night.  
He despised karaoke after all those years in his old job, and he couldn't stand _the teachers, of all people_ , singing.

He was just going to spend the night reading until his boyfriend came to bed, but Greene _insisted_ that Red join the rest of them.

-

"Come on, darling! It'll be fun!"

"Ducky, I can't. You know that." 

"But Red..." he trailed off and looked to the side, holding one arm.  
The red-haired man looked at his partner worriedly. 

"What?"

"It's just...I get kind of lonely watching the others with their partners and I thought...maybe...?"  
He didn't need to finish the sentence for Red to understand.  
  
He sighed, and pulled Greene into a hug, kissing the top of his head. 

"Fine. But I won't enjoy it."  
  
"D'aww, love you too Red~"  
  
-  
  


As promised, he was _not_ enjoying this.  
He was sitting on the couch, holding Greene in his lap, and listening to one of the teachers sing. 

It was background noise, mostly. Occasionally he had to tell them to quiet down; Danny was a heavy sleeper but that didn't mean off-key high notes and a house-shaking baseline wouldn't wake him up. He appreciated Tony's help with the reminders.

Eventually everyone had gone. The only exceptions were Chuck and Bosch (they both went to bed early), Greene (he was shy about his singing voice), Shrignold (he didn't get out much these days), and Red.

"C'mon r/suddenlygay," Colin called from the makeshift stage Sketch had set up "serenade us with that sweet baritone~"

Greene started cracking up, mouth curling into a grin as he hid his face in Red's shoulder. This earned the (previously) Computery Guy a glare. Colin just shrugged and smirked. Laptop sighing from her seat with Sketch in the recliner.  
Greene, brought his face out of Red's shoulder, still giggly, and gently put a hand on the side of the other's face as he looked into his eyes.

"Oh, you should!"

Duck...c'mon..."

His partner's gaze softened.  
"Please?" he said softly "Just one song, then we can go to bed?"

Red groaned, muttered "only for you..." as he once again kissed the top of the other's head, then got up and got the mic from Colin as he picked a song.

He didn't see anything he would really _enjoy_ singing, looking through the list. He was just going to pick something random when he saw one he actually knew. 

"Did you find one, hon?" 

"Um, yeah I think so."

"Oooo, wonderful!"

He stepped on the makeshift stage, both hands gripping the microphone. The music started and he felt a lump in his throat.  
He took a deep breath and stared at the back wall as he began singing.

" _You, put all your faith in my dreams.  
You gave me the world that I wanted.  
What did I do to deserve you?"  
  
  
_Greene looked confused and hopeful at the same time. Like he recognized the song but couldn't place where he's heard it before.

" _I, follow your steps with my feet  
I walk on the road that you started.  
I need you to know that I heard, every word.  
  
I've waited way too long to say  
Everything you mean to me..."_

Red glanced at his partner to see a hand covering his mouth, and eyes tearing up. He knew.

" _In case you don't live forever let me tell you now...  
I love you more than you'll ever wrap your head around  
In case you don't live forever, let me tell you the truth...  
I'm everything that I am, because of you..."_

Suddenly he was back in the dingy old karaoke bar, surrounded by his old coworkers.   
His hand puppets weren't there, he was still holding his mic from the house, but his voice was on autopilot.   
He was being boo-d, again. He was being yelled at to get of the stage, again.  
  
But where was-  
  
He looked where Roy sat and saw The green hair and flannel pajamas of his boyfriend, his partner in crime, his Ducky.  
The reason he quit that awful job and the source of his joy for the past 3 years.

A deep breath later he blinked and was back in the house, in the living room, Greene watching him with a worried expression.  
Red just winked and continued the song.

" _I have a hero whenever I need one  
I just look up to you and I see one  
I'm a man 'cause you taught me to be one  
I'm everything that I am...."_

The track trailed off. Colin probably edited the cd so that nobody has to try belting out the high notes at the end.

He set down the mic and stepped off the stage, quickly catching Greene, who tackle-hugged him and wrapped his arms around Red's neck, kissing him on the lips.   
  
"You remembered?" there were tears running down his face, but he was smiling.

Red had begun crying as well, not as bad as his boyfriend.   
"Of course I did," he said softly "How could I forget our first dance?"


	4. "Square Ritz Cracker Looking Asses-"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by a discord convo lmao

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Diana is a Chromebook (Sketchbook x Laptop) kid  
> Lavender is a Digitaltime kid  
> and the rest are Colin x Tony x Reese lmao (and yes, Reese is Reece's Puffs)
> 
> Also this is gonna be more of a group chat thing bc im lazy lmao

Crumbs: I just scared the shit out of myself I forgot I had an empty sleeve of crackers on my bed from earlier today, and I moved my scarf hat, and it pushed against the sleeve and it was really loud jsdfhgdsfhsgdf

Carly: THAT’S WHY I LOVE NESTLE CRUNCH

Ronnie: SDIUFSDLFGDS

Crumbs: IT'S OFF-BRAND SALTINES YOU PLEBIAN /j

Ronnie: WGSHAJSKDJJSF

Diana: what the hell are saltines-

Zack: I- what??

Carly: what

Diana: i've never heard of saltines before-

Crumbs: WHAT  
*SLAMS FACE ON TABLE*

Ronnie: Dan  
[ _insert picture of a box of saltines_ ]  
Dan these are saltines they are everywhere how have you never heard of them??

Diana: how am i supposed to know-

Lavender: saltines are yucky.,.,.,

Crumbs: Those square crackers that taste good in chicken nooble soup

Zack: YES

Ronnie: HFGSDDF   
They are in every cracker/chip isle at the store??? im sorry but this does not???? compute???? system error???

Diana: I'VE BEEN TO THE CHIP/CRACKER ISLE IN GROCERY STORES BEFORE

Ronnie: DAN IM SORRY IM JUST CONFUSED HGFSDJGFSDJF

Diana: I'VE NEVER SEEN THESE SQUARE RITZ CRACKERS LOOKIN ASSES BEFORE

Zack: SHAKSKFJSKSLFIQG 

Ronnie: "SQUARE RITZ CRACKERS" BRO WTF

Crumbs: I’M SOBBINNNGGG

Ronnie: ARE WE REALLY HAVING CRACKER DISCOURSE RIGHT NOW??? IS THAT WHATS HAPPENING??

Diana: i'm gonna be honest, my stomach hurts from me laughing at what i just called the saltines-

Lavender: Im laughing out of confusion???? I have never met somebody who didn't know what saltines were????? this is new and confusing????

Carly: I’m cackling  
  
Ronnie: sHIT GUYS POPS IS COMING UPSTAIRS BE QUIET DSGFSDSDJF  
  
Zack: CARLY I CAN HEAR YOU LAUGHING FROM DOWN THE HALL STFU   
  
Crumbs: JKSHDSFGDSH  
  
Diana: losers, my moms let me stay up until 11 :sunglasses emoji:


End file.
